Really though. And to add to that, let’s all admit it, no one likes a 23 year old. People might be giving you advice and will listen to your #lifeproblems, but they truly want you to get it together and to leave them alone to be a real adult.
Being twenty-three years old means that you are probably just getting off of the very comfortable wave that was being in school. No longer on that wave, you are now in the sweet spot where the ocean floor drops and the current can pull you under. This is the time when, if you’ve watched any ocean-themed movies know that, instead of panicking, you should relax and go with the flow.
Unfortunately, unlike in the movies, to wait it out and go with the flow isn’t really considered a valuable use of time in our society. That’s why most of us, instead of taking the required time to figure it out, start to panic. Then, figuratively speaking, find a way onto any wave as quickly as possible, even though it might be taking you to the wrong place – you just get on.
I spent what was my year as a 23 year old at an awesome organization and riding a wave that was super comfortable and going in what I thought was the right direction. Then about a year in, I realized I was on the wrong wave, started questioning everything and resisting the current.
Despite this realization being very clear to me, I will admit that I took the more professionally and financially sound route and rode that wave for a little while longer. It did technically waste some time, but the important thing is that I did so knowing very well how, why, when, and where I was jumping off.
The months leading up to and following my “jump” off of this awesome wave was the time that I felt the pressure starting to creep in. I had many people ask what in the world I was doing. I was seemingly throwing away my life, and going to do something that was not at all considered ‘valuable’ by our society’s standard. I was not earning another degree, building my resume or padding my savings account – essentially I was going to be wasting my time, money, and opportunities.
Living this made it very obvious to me why being 23 you’ll sink and swim, simultaneously making it one of the best and worst years. It isn’t the worst because it’s a time of change, adjustment, and of figuring it out. That’s what can make it fun and exciting. It is also not because we’re likely working entry level jobs and don’t have much time or money. That part is expected and navigating those waters help you grow up.
Being 23, just as is being anyone in any time of transition, can be difficult because we feel a pressure to find answers and solutions quickly and immediately. Our society doesn’t tend to value taking time to figure it out as much as we do taking a job to make money, or see the point in going with the flow of life as much as going with the crowd. And that is a problem, to which there is fortunately a solution.
Over the past few months of “going with the flow and figuring it out,” I’ve realized that it’s easy to point a finger and say that the pressure comes from those that are older and from a different generation. Those that I considered “real adults” are often more settled, value stability and responsibility, and are the ones asking the questions, making them seemingly responsible for bringing pressure into the situation.
However, the feeling of pressure is just that, a feeling. It is one that ultimately comes from within. It is one that is increasingly poignant when there is no value placed on the important period of transition that can be taking time to figure it out and going with the flow.
The only way to put value to something, at whatever age you are, is to consider it a period of time contributing to your learning and growth. Regardless if the learning and growth come from a job, a meditation retreat, a new language, a specialized degree or a backpacking trip – you have to consider it valuable for yourself, and by yourself.
Changing your own 23, 33 or 43 year olds perspective to see this period not as a waste of time, money or opportunity, is important. It is almost as important as actually allowing yourself to take the time and go with the flow, because, ultimately, you’ll be allowing yourself to find out the where, when, what, why, and how’s of jumping onto what might not be the next wave, but will be the right one.
JL
